Body Language - "BL"
The-art-of-small-talk will share some humorous insights, both locally and Internationally, of the use of "BL" in our daily living.
But How many self-confessed experts are there out there, it seems everybody knows about "BL"!
we can only go by our own experience,as we often proclaim "We ain't no experts"! Just a normal family like you, proberabely!
There is no specific advice on how to use your body language.
What you do might be interpreted in several ways, depending on the setting and who you are talking to.
You’ll probably want to use your "art form" differently when
talking to your boss
compared to when you small talk to a person or friend you’re interested in.
These are some common interpretations of "BL" and often more effective ways to communicate with your body.
First, to change your "art form" you must be aware of your body language. Notice how you sit, how you stand, how you use you hands and legs, what you do while talking to someone.
You might want to practice in front of a mirror, first it might seem "odd", as we say in
it might seem silly but no one is watching you. This will help you assess, how you look to other people, and give you an opportunity to practise a bit before going out into the real world.
Small Talk Tips!
Close your eyes and visualize how you would stand and sit to feel confident, open and relaxed or whatever you want to communicate. See yourself move like that version of yourself. Then try it out.
You might also want observe friends, role models, movie stars
or other people, you think has good body language.
Observe what they do and you don’t. Take bits and pieces you like from different people. Try using what you can learn from them.You don't have to search to far, study your own family, how they act
and conduct themselves at home,at parties,in church and learn and ask questions.
You might also want observe friends, role models, movie stars or other people you think has good body language. Observe what they do and you don’t. Take bits and pieces you like from different people.
Some of these tips might seem like you are faking something. But fake it til you make it is a useful way to learn something new. And remember, feelings work backwards too.
If you smile a bit more you will feel happier. If you sit up straight you will feel more energetic and in control. If you slow down your movements you’ll feel calmer. Your feelings will actually reinforce your new behaviours and feelings of weirdness will dissipate.
In the beginning easy it’s to "over-do" your body language. You might sit with your legs almost ridiculously far apart or sit up straight in a tense pose all the time. No worries! That’s OK. And people aren’t looking as much as you think, they are always worrying about their own problems.
* Don’t cross your arms or legs
You have probably already heard you shouldn’t cross your arms as it might make you seem defensive or guarded. This goes for your legs too. Keep your arms and legs open.
* Have eye contact, but don’t stare
If there are several people you are talking to, give them all some eye contact to create a better connection and see if they are listening. Keeping too much eye-contact might creep people out. Giving no eye-contact might make you seem insecure.
* Don’t be afraid to take up some space
Taking up space by for example sitting or standing with your legs apart a bit signals self-confidence, and that you are comfortable in your own skin.
* Relax your shoulders
When you feel tense it’s easily winds up as tension in your shoulders. They might move up and forward a bit. Try to relax. Try to loosen up by shaking the shoulders a bit and move them back slightly.
* Nod when they are talking
Nod once in a while to signal that you are listening. But don’t overdo it!
* Don’t slouch, sit up straight
In a relaxed way, not in a too tense manner.
* Lean,but not too much
If you want to show that you are interested in what someone is saying, lean toward the person talking.
* Smile and laugh
Lighten up, don’t take yourself too seriously.
Relax a bit, smile and laugh when someone says something funny. People will be a lot more inclined to listen to you if you seem to be a positive person.
Smile when you are introduced to someone but don’t keep a smile plastered on your face, you’ll seem insincere.
* Don’t touch your face
It might make you seem nervous and can be distracting for the listeners or the people in the conversation.
* Keep you head up
Don’t keep your eyes on the ground, it might make you seem insecure and a bit lost. Keep your head up straight and your eyes towards the horizon.
* Slow down a bit
This goes for many things. Walking slower not only makes you seem more calm and confident, it will also make you feel less stressed.
* Don’t fidget
Try to avoid, phase out or transform fidgety movement and nervous ticks such as shaking your leg or tapping your fingers against the table rapidly. You’ll seem nervous and fidgeting can be a distracting when you try to get something across. Try to relax, slow down and focus your movements.
* Use your hands more confidently
Instead of fidgeting with your hands and scratching your face use them to communicate what you are trying to say. Use your hands to describe something or to add weight to a point you are trying to make. But don’t use them to much or it might become distracting.
* Lower your drink
Don’t hold your drink in front of your chest. In fact, don’t hold anything in front of your heart as it will make you seem guarded and distant. Lower it and hold it beside your leg instead.
* Realise where you spine ends
Many people might sit or stand with a straight back in a good posture. Your spine ends in the back of your head.
* Don’t "Get in the face"
One of the things we have learned, is that everybody gets uncomfortable by an "in your face" talker. Let people have their personal space, don’t invade it.
Often when you get along with a person, when the two of you get a good connection, you will start to mirror each other unconsciously. That means that you mirror the other person’s body language a bit.If she holds her hands on her thighs, you might do the same. But don’t react instantly and don’t mirror every change in body language.
We believe this body language tecnique, has been done to "death" over the years bot in private and business environments.
* Keep a good attitude
Last but not least, keep a positive, open and relaxed attitude. How you feel will come through in your body language and can make a major difference.
I remember some years ago, through my business on the Northern Beaches of NSW, I had an business interview with Allan Pease , (Click Picture)
our own Australian, world renown body language expert, and knowing his background, how ackward speaking with him face to face!
What to say, what to do?
After a quick consideration, I decided just to be "open" and "friendly", not to try any body language techniques here my friend!
And the most important Small talk tip?
You can change your body language but as all new habits it takes a while. Especially things like keeping you head up might take time to correct if you have spent thousands of days looking at your feet. And if you try and change to many things at once it might become confusing and feel overwhelming.
Take a couple of these body language bits to work on every day for three to four weeks. By then they should have developed into new habits and something you’ll do without even thinking about it. If not, keep on until it sticks. Then take another couple of things you’d like to change and work on them.
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